A Shuddering Halt

Well, it's finally happened. The momentum of my downward spiral has come, thankfully, to a shuddering halt. 

I've realised something this morning, as I sat on my verandah watching the world go by (and hoping the world wasn't watching me!) and it's something I think I always knew deep down, but it has taken me this long to be able to properly acknowledge it. It is crucial for me to surround myself with loving, supportive people (and I am so lucky to have my little family to fulfil that need). I have always been a very sensitive person, and the judgement of small minded people has always affected me in ways I haven't always been able to understand.

Unfortunately, most of these people are my hateful family. Well, I suppose 'family' only in a historical sense because I firmly believe you DO choose your family. Which explains why I have two people in my life. But I've reached a better plane of existence recently - and I've let go of my hate. I am still not on speaking terms with my extended family, all of them (even seemingly unconnected branches) seem to have similar views about my behaviour. I know this clearly means that they are utterly delusional and basically terrible people. But I forgive them anyway.

Once I reached this conclusion, that my problems are rooted in the lives and actions of others, I have found it increasingly simple to absolve myself of any wrongdoing and shed the amount of guilt I have been burdened with.

I'm going to try and put these external influences from my life, and I'm sure once I am freed of their influences I will go back to being the sane, rational, happy person I know I am inside. The winter is creeping into our little town deliciously, the smell of wood smoke curls around us as I plan my winter menus - some minestrone soup is definitely on the cards tonight!